BATS AND BOWS: An Unnecessarily Complicated Rating System

Hello lovely bats🖤🦇 I wanted to make a post explaining how I rate books. If you aren't in the mood to be interesting (boo), then you can read no further: bats are stars but better, and bows are added in for the things I believe are crucial to gothic literature (intricacy, gorgeous atmospheric settings, and "the intrusion of the past upon the present," as Wikipedia puts it).

I cannot make anything easy at all, so I thought I would introduce you to my reinvented wheel. While this is irreverent, I do think there is something to be said for a system that allows one to rate a book in a neutral way, for readability, enjoyability, etc, and then also, for the particular elements we value here. The bats are meant to represent overall quality, while the bows stand in for the splendid gothic elements that make a story especially compelling. There are some things that are difficult to put into words, and bows feel like one of them. However, I love how Wikipedia explains that particular feeling gothic literature evokes - "the intrusion of the past upon the present." (Before anyone says it, I know that this phrasing likely didn't originate on Wikipedia. If you want to dig through the citations, have fun.)

Why bats in particular? Well, because this is the logo I made for this blog while taking cough syrup and battling Covid. I love her so much, not only because she is objectively lovable, but also because she is a good representation of how it feels to read and really love gothic literature.

Here are a few example ratings, as proof of concept. Remember, this is an entirely vibes based system.

Dracula by Brammy Stoker

Bats: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

Bows: 🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀

I bet you didn't see this coming. This is actually, the 0 degree of my heart, so of course it scores perfectly. Not only is this the gothic novel, it is also so frilly, so full of men professing love for each other, for women, for women in front of other men, for men in front of women, and so on. It is impossible to not picture each scene beautifully, and in detail. It's gorgeous, it's weird, it's every bat and bow possible.

Hurricane Girl by Marcy Dermansky

Bats: 🦇🦇🦇🦇

Bows: 🎀

Let me be clear: I love this book. It was one of my favorite books of 2024. It's solidly written, just as long as it needs to be, and viscerally satisfying. It's also dark. It gets four bats because of this excellence, but only one bow, earned by the protagonist's unhinged actions. (Please note: unhinged men do not earn a book an automatic bow, but unhinged women always do).

TheVampyre; a Tale by John William Polidori

Bats: 🦇🦇🦇

Bows: 🎀🎀🎀🎀

I include this both to brag that I read it and to show that something can be heavier in bows than bats, and to show that this is indeed vibes based. I doubt anyone is looking for a readability review for a novella published in 1819, but it's lack of readability is exactly what earns it only 3 bats. And believe me, I can indeed read from this era with great enjoyment. The Vampyre just does not make me as happy as other stories do. With that being said, it is undoubtedly gothic, full of delicate emotions, Victorian customs, and very questionable travel companions.